For the love of Phoenix: Meet the Bryn Mawr mailman who gave up retirement to give his daughter a life

For 34 years, John McFetridge delivered the mail in Bryn Mawr.

Amiable and outgoing, he knew every dog, made friends on every street. Even Phillies CEO John Middleton would make a point to shake hands at the mailbox.

The job was sweet but John had his eye on something sweeter: retirement.

More ballgames.

More rides on his Harley with the Garrett Hill crew.

More time with his kids – and someday, God willing – his grandkids.

Six years to go. He was counting them down.

Then one day, a phone call derailed it all.

His daughter, Phoenix, 20, was on the line from the University of Delaware.

A former multi-sport athlete at Marple Newtown High School, Phoenix had thrown herself into college life: rock climbing, singing in a choir, spinning tracks at the campus radio station, hanging with her sorority sisters.

But on that February day in 2019, she sounded different.

“Dad, I’m really sick. I’m coming home.”

At first, it seemed like a bad flu. But the infection soon attacked her heart, triggering acute pericarditis, an extremely rare and dangerous complication. Within hours, Phoenix was in critical condition, rushed from Delaware County Memorial downtown to Penn Presbyterian, a Level 1 Trauma Center.

“I’ll see you down there, Dad,” she told him as she was wheeled into the ambulance.

They were the last words she would speak.

 

Phoenix’s heart stopped for two hours. But the trauma team refused to let her go. She was too young, too strong.

If brain cells don’t have oxygen, they start to die after four minutes. After 15 minutes, death is all but certain.

Phoenix’s brain was deprived of oxygen for 45 minutes.

She was placed on ECMO, a last-resort life support system, then faced another devastating setback: restricted blood flow forced the amputation of her right leg.

For months, she was touch-and-go. Her heart stopped three more times.

Through it all, John was there, sleeping in her hospital room every night, posting Facebook updates, asking anyone and everyone to pray.

Packages arrived from around the country – saints’ relics, heartfelt notes, even a cowbell from Florida.

“I walked around her bed ringing that cowbell,” John recalls. “I’m not Catholic but I accepted it all. I’d tell them, ‘Whatever you believe, just pray for her.’”

 

Against overwhelming odds, Phoenix survived.

In May, she was stable enough for discharge – though still on a ventilator and unable to move or speak.

Her case worker assumed Phoenix would go to a long-term care facility. A single, working father could never handle the 24/7 care she would need.

John wouldn’t hear of it.

“She’s my daughter. A 20-year-old kid in a nursing home? No way.”

Instead, the two moved to a new hospital room at Bryn Mawr Rehab, where Phoenix made slow but significant strides and John rewrote his life.

After four months of intense therapy, he brought Phoenix home to Broomall that September. He officially retired six years early to become her full-time caregiver.

Every day, every night. He bathes her. Dresses her. Feeds her. Lifts her. Watches over her sleep.

“I haven’t had a deep sleep in six years,” he says, matter-of-factly. “It’s a shallow sleep. I don’t dream anymore.”

But John doesn’t just provide home care. He wheels her into the van and they go places.

To restaurants and bars – they’re regulars at McSorley’s in Wynnewood.

To concerts and movies and comedy shows.

To church at St. Mark’s in Broomall.

To the nail salon.

Together, they’ve traveled to Greece, Myrtle Beach and Disney World.

Phoenix can’t speak but understands conversations. Instead of words, she communicates with expressive vocalizations and a deep, contagious laugh that draws people in wherever they go. It’s not unusual for strangers to slip John a few dollars or pick up their dinner tabs.

A few years ago, the two moved from Broomall to a fully accessible home in Malvern, built for Phoenix’s needs.  

John sleeps within earshot. When she calls out, he’s there – adjusting blankets, rubbing her restless leg.

It’s a life defined by vigilance, patience and, remarkably, joy.

The McFetridges’ new home is close to the King Street gym operated by the Fighting Back Scholarship Program where Phoenix has trained for more than three years. A local nonprofit, Fighting Back provides free, one-on-one adapted fitness training to people with life-changing disabilities.

Both Phoenix and John look forward to their twice-weekly visits to the gym that’s become a welcoming and social  home-away-from-home. The gym is also where others witness their unique father-daughter bond.

“There’s a level of devotion to Phoenix that is mind-boggling to me, especially for someone like John who’s a guy’s guy,” says her Fighting Back trainer Ian Savitz. “I’ve never seen him lose his patience; I’ve never seen him down. Other people in his situation might just tend to her basic needs and hygiene, not do all the things he does to keep her life enriched.”

 

For his unwavering dedication to his daughter, John McFetridge will accept the “Caregiver of the Year” award at Fighting Back’s annual Achievement Night on April 22.  

John never expected to be singled out.

“Your friends tell you you’re doing a great job, but they’re your friends. This … this sparked me.”

The program has honored clients for 32 years, only recently adding a special award for caregivers.

“Recognizing someone like John and simply saying ‘thank you’ is powerful. It’s validating,” explains Fighting Back Executive Director Scott Dillman, who founded the nonprofit in 1989. “People bring loved ones to our gym, week after week, year after year, and they’re all so gracious and appreciative. They deserve to be recognized.”

At 66, John knows he can’t do this forever.

As hard as he works to stay fit, the time will come when he won’t be able to lift, carry and care for Phoenix as he does now.

But that day isn’t today. There are places to go, people to see, a life – Phoenix’s life – to keep as full and joyful as possible.

No, retirement didn’t arrive as planned for John McFetridge.

It arrived as purpose.

“Phoenix is a fighter,” he says, smiling. “And so am I.”

The Fighting Back Scholarship Program will honor John McFetridge at its 32^nd Annual Achievement night, Wed. April 22 at the Sheraton Valley Forge. Clients Roberto Cadet, Matt Piccone and Jeff Schenk will be also be honored for their courage and perseverance. Purchase $95 tickets here.

A 501(c)3 nonprofit, Fighting Back offers one-on-one training in, adapted fitness classes and a weloming community to more than 200 individuals with life-changing illnesses, injuries and disabilities. To participate or apply for a scholarship, visit www.fightingbacksp.org.